Monday, November 3, 2008

Things You Learn From Wikipedia

Reginald VelJohnson, who played Carl Winslow on Family Matters, went to high school with future CIA director George Tenet and future porn star Ron Jeremy.

Which got me thinking about Family Matters. It's supposed to be based in reality. Carl is a cop, the Winslows live in a normal house in Chicago, and yet Steve Urkel makes his own clone, and then turns it into a sexier version of himself named Stefan Urquelle. How did Stefan get by in the real world? He has no Social Security number. No birth certificate. How does he find work?

How does he adjust socially? Presumably he has all of Steve's memories, and yet his own distinct personality. He doesn't have parents. He has no past, no real family. He must feel like an imposter, particularly since Laura eventually chooses Steve over him. What kind of psychological problems would he develop? Would he go insane? Would he try to eliminate Steve and take his place?

And if he does, isn't he perfectly positioned to ruin Steve's life? They share identical DNA, yet Stefan Urquelle isn't in the system, Steve is. Stefan Urquelle doesn't officially exist. He can kill and rape with impunity, not caring what evidence he leaves behind, because the blame will all be pinned on his progenitor and nemesis, Steve Urkel. And when Steve breaks out of prison, finally tracking Stefan down in his seedy lair in the basement of an abandoned insane asylum, Stefan will just laugh wickedly, adjust the awkward glasses he has carved for himself out of animal bones, and nasally taunt, "Did I do that?"

And now I have to write a script for a bizarrely dark and twisted spinoff of Family Matters, in which Steve Urkel's evil clone comes back to ruin his life. Thanks, Wikipedia.


Rachel said...

hahahahaha! Your a nut! :)

Mike said...

...then Urkel and Urquelle meet Ron Jeremy over brunch where they sign an agreement for a "feature film" entitled, Family Matters.