Growth

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Paul, 1st Corinthians 13:11

God is faithful to change us even when we don't realize it. God works on us as a painter, never quite satisfied, never done, but always glad at the progress made. I'm thoroughly incomplete, and I see just enough to know I'm blind, but God is faithfully making me someone better.

When I think about my first two years of college, I wonder what the hell I was doing. I wasn't some monstrous sinner, wasting my inheritance on riotous living, but I was living for myself. Mostly I just sat around, watched TV, played videogames. None of those are bad things, in moderation. But that was pretty much my life. It seems so small now.

I'm super-busy. I leave the house in the morning and don't get back until late at night. I'm involved in work, school, Wesley stuff, social outings, dating a wonderful girl. I'm tired, but I love it. Don't ever ask God what He wants you to do, unless you really want an answer. Because He will f-ing give you something to do.

I'm just barely starting to learn how to really live on faith, to not trust my own judgment overmuch, but to really rely on Jesus to make sense of my life. It's scary as hell, but worth it. My girlfriend says she gets excited about all the things she's going to get to do in her life. When I sit and think, I can't help but agree. I've only really been following Jesus like I should for a year and a half, and it already seems like a lifetime. A couple more decades of this, I can't imagine who I'll be. That's scary too, but good.

I am an exceptionally slow learner of spiritual truths, but then God is a patient teacher. And when you actually listen to Him, devote yourself to learning from Jesus' teachings, living the ridiculous way He lived, life turns out how you least expected. My life is a mystery to me.

But then I love a good mystery.